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After spending the last 40 plus years listening to my clients talk about their love lives, I realized an interesting fact: Most people choose romantic partners who are their approximate equals with regard to understanding how to sustain intimacy. This is similar to what went on when we were in elementary school.
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The teachers sorted us into reading groups. Not everyone in the group had the exact same problems with reading, but everyone was more-or-less at the same level with regard to reading skills.
Relationships require skills as well, such as learning how to negotiate differences, communicate, forgive each other after fighting, and so on. I have found that people tend to unconsciously sort themselves into groups with regard to their level of intimacy skills.
Very few people choose partners that are more than a half step above or below them with regard to their ability to maintain a successful relationship.
If someone is too far above us in their grasp of Intimacy skills, they are likely to find us boring and difficult.
If they are too far below us, we are likely to be uninterested in them for the same reasons. This capacity is normally developed during early childhood through copying your parents and, most importantly, through being seen realistically and accepted and loved for who you are by your parents, despite your imperfections.
This capacity can be acquired later if the person is sufficiently motivated and has appropriate psychotherapy. In both cases, they also temporarily forget all the past history associated with the side that is now out of awareness.
As both of these views are overly extreme and inaccurate, they are inherently unstable and sometimes can rapidly shift back and forth in the course of a day. The ability to maintain a sense of emotional connection to someone who is no longer present.
This includes the ability to recall his or her face and other significant features that you associate with the person. Without this, the person is literally: Out of sight and out of mind. This means that the lack of both is a defining feature of the current intimacy skill group of people with personality disorders.
No disrespect is intended.
In my opinion, people are not Borderlines or Narcissists; this is the name for their current pattern of being in relationships and their approach to life. Narcissists and Borderlines Form Intense, Quick Attachments Narcissists and Borderline individuals also have something else in common that makes them likely to choose each other: They tend to do this for different reasons: Many people with Borderline adaptations live for love.
They use connecting to someone as a remedy for feelings of emptiness, restlessness, and loneliness. The idea of detaching brings up their underlying fears of abandonment, so they find reasons not to leave.
When things get bad, as they often do when a Borderline marries a Narcissist, it is the Borderline mate that usually has the most trouble detaching from the relationship. This is because they are terribly conflicted: One side of them is quite rational and knows that the relationship is not working and that they should leave, while the other side is very fearful of taking the step of leaving because it means that they will be on their own again.For today's Friday favorite, I'm sharing two of my favorite apps of the summer.
With recent bond money, our district has provided iPads to teachers and classrooms (not but to use for stations or sharing across departments) so I have spent the summer playing, learning, and searching for apps.
I put on my armor with confidence: a large t-shirt, gym shorts, tall white socks and, most importantly, my headphones. Each piece of equipment helps deflect emotions as they are shot at me from all sides.
Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML.
Writing Homework. Need Help With Writing Homework? Ask a Tutor. but I still have words to do today, and I have to pick up my daughter in a few minutes. I don't see how I could possibly squeeze this into my schedule today. Mississippi 1) Write an essay ( words) that analyzes the Brown v.
Mississippi and the Miranda v. Arizona. Doing homework is an unavoidable part of being a student but some children have more trouble than others doing school work on their own at.
'I just can't imagine prioritizing homework with my 5-year-old son when I. a parent explains why she doesn't want her kindergartner doing it.
Spektrines analyzes me today i will do my homework. I’m not here as an class ambassador or member of some board or a prof running a class.
Complete this assignment according to the following: My original plan was to biocatalytic synthesis of quinic acid [ ].